A Forced Healing

Yesterday, I bumped into a contemporary who was diagnosed with a different form of advanced stage cancer not long after I became critically ill from multiple myeloma.  When I asked how she was doing, she told me that she had just undergone another surgery.  And as I marveled at how well she appeared to be moving forward so soon after her surgery, she introduced me to a phrase I don’t think I had ever before heard–“forced healing.”  With children and a husband who need her, she made a choice to get up and go on much, much sooner than I believe I would have.  She simply doesn’t consider wallowing in the circumstances of her health a real option.  And I admire her for this more than any words can express.  I wallowed quite a bit and, though I am well now, I still do at times.

As I say in my sick season memoir, I don’t have any idea at all what my attitude would be toward God, toward my life in general, had my initial treatment not resulted in years of physical wellness.  I know of people diagnosed with myeloma who have had as many as three stem cell transplants and yet still find themselves on medication and far from remission.  If my story had been different, I’d certainly like to think I’d be like this person whom I so admire–that I’d still be moving forward and not wallowing.  But, we simply never know unless and until we find ourselves there.  It’s easy to say what we think we would do, how we think we’d react, but I’ve found that the reality of us seldom matches up with our notions of ourselves.  I’ll be first to say that I am not nearly as strong as many people seem to give me credit for down here; but the way others appear to view me does motivate me to become more like the person they seem to think I already am.

I do so wish this realm was different, that it was restored to its original glory, but I realize that the time for this has not yet come.  And the reasons for the timing of the new Heaven and earth aren’t mine to judge.  All I know is that, when the time does come, complete wellness will be the only state of being for any of us.  So, in the waiting room of this fallen world, I will choose to be inspired anew by the glimpses of a God whom I continue to see all around me–the God who is alive and well in the flesh of people like my peer whom I had the privilege of seeing again yesterday.  She’s a woman who embodies his strength, literally…..and I thank her and him both for that.